If you're just beginning to learn meditation, either in a guided meditation group or on your own, you try for five or ten minutes each session; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you best. You allow the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes as the weeks follow, but you by no means try and push the pace.
Meditation isn't about clenching the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting peacefully with yourself, and although it requires its own kind of discipline this has less to do with force than with soft and letting go.
When the unavoidable thoughts or emotions come up, you let them to pass into and out of awareness like clouds reflected in water. You don't try and push them out, but leave them to go of their own harmony. Regardless of how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how desperate or disturbing the emotions, you don't hang on to them or allow one thought or emotion to start another and another till you are down on a daydreaming track that takes you far away from the simple matter of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, nevertheless, you do get carried away, gently but definitely come back to your breathing the instant you realize this has occurred. Avoid being irritated with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your wandering mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you need to train your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how less control you have over your own thinking. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has recognized the fact that you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstress how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are lost in thought, you will not only be awakening the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering later on. You are in effect punishing it each time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will point out to you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the frustration that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of effort, and that you would be well suggested to find something much better to do with your time.
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